Almost time for the beach!

Countdown to the Beach!

Putting this here so I can dream about my annual trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with my seminary friends. Not long now!

My compassionate son

Last week my friend Lisa died of colon cancer which most recently had spread to her bones. There are many things I could say about Lisa but I’ll save that for another time. I found out on Wednesday morning. Alex and I were in the car about to back out of the driveway when I bumped my phone accidentally. I saw that I had an email so instead of starting the car I opened it and read that Lisa died early that morning. I started crying immediately. I truly thought she was going to beat it, and she would be back at church directing the children’s choir by fall. As I cried Alex sat quietly in the backseat. After a minute or so he said, “Mommy, are you okay? Why are you so sad, mommy?” “Mommy is sad because her friend Lisa died today,” I replied. “Miss Lisa?” “No, not your teacher. Lisa Ham.” He got quiet and then said, “Like green eggs & ham?” I smiled and said, “Just like green eggs & ham.” (Lisa would have loved this. I will tell her husband this story in time.)

I cried and cried. I called a few of her close friends to check in and tell them they were in my prayers. And Alex sat in the backseat of the car as I drove us to work/school (same place). After one call Alex took the opportunity to tell me that Lisa was in heaven with God. Wow. He’s only 3 and a half and he gets it. Totally gets it. This would make a lot of mothers very proud and I am. But I’m also a Christian educator and work in children’s ministry so it makes me BEAM with pride!

“Mommy, are you going to cry the whole way there?” “Yes, I am. And I’ll probably cry for a few days because I really liked Lisa.” At this point it gets quiet and since I can’t see him I imagined he was just looking out the window or thinking about Spiderman or who-knows-what. But he wasn’t. He had this toy in his hand – his most favoritest toy in the whole wide world (that he got four days earlier at Chuck E Cheese). He said, “Here, mommy. Does this make you feel better?” I put my hand back blindly to grab whatever it was. I knew just by feeling it what he was handing me. “Yes, Alex. This makes me feel a lot better. I’m going to put it in my pocket and remember how much you love me,” I said. And my heart was moved by this beautiful act of kindness and love my son showed me. My son has learned compassion. I am the luckiest mom in the whole wide world.

Lovely Lisa

You loved her even if you barely knew her. Lisa had contagious energy, a great laugh, a huge passion for music – especially for our church’s children’s choir – and an enormous heart. She died Wednesday morning after battling colon cancer. She leaves her husband & soul mate, Bruce, and three amazing daughters ages 6, 9 & 12. She would have turned 40 on April 18.

I’m sure I’ll write more about it when I can. But for now I don’t know what to say. I’ll be back when I have something. For now I’ll share a photo of her.

The voices in my head

The weekend seemed to go by so quickly. Different ideas for blog posts came and went as I waited to be inspired to write. You see, I’m not a writer. At least that is what the voices in my head tell me. “You’re not a good writer.” That is what I heard for years from various teachers. Or maybe it was just one teacher. But isn’t that how it happens? You hear something bad about yourself once or twice and you start believing it. There are so many little things I remember people saying to me. I have an amazing memory. I do. (Just ask my friends who would rather I didn’t remember some things.) But a good memory means you remember the good and the bad. And sometimes the bad creeps into my brain and takes over if I’m not careful.

So for the longest time I’ve been scared to write, nervous, anxious, paralyzed by the idea of writing even an article for the church newsletter, because the words of that teacher ring in my ears.“You’re not a good writer.” As an educator I am hyper-sensitive to what I say to children about themselves, their work…everything. I know how easily they can focus on one thing I may say to them. I want to be the voice in their head that reminds them that they are a child of God, that God will always love them no matter what. I try hard to choose my words carefully. I don’t call a child “difficult,” for example, because she may just start believing it. Well, that’s the story of my baggage and how it affects my work as a teacher.

Now this isn’t meant to elicit sympathy or a pity party. It is part of who I am and what I bring to this blog. When I expressed my hesitations to my friend, M, she responded, “I don’t think you have to be a good writer for it to be a good blog.  Just write the sentences the way you say them in your head.  If people like talking to you (and they do) they’ll also like reading you.  That’s my theory, anyway.” [Now she is an AMAZING writer. I know. It isn't a contest. She is a better writer. But I'm prettier. Please please please check out her blog. You will love it.]

Black Friday

Today was a dark day and I’m glad it is almost over. I’m off on Fridays and was hoping to get a bunch of stuff done. My house is a mess. I need to do laundry. Finish our taxes. No, I’m not going to list it all here because I don’t want to see everything I could have done. I didn’t do a damn thing. Well, nothing productive. I came back home after dropping off OnlyChild at daycare. (Still trying out what to call him on here.) And without going into it, because there is no way in hell I want to relive it, I sat on the couch watching TV with the laptop on my – what else – lap. That’s it. I ate some. Part of me was so freaked out that I would eat all of the Girl Scout cookies in the house. Anyway, it is over. I only had 3 cookies, FTW.

Girl Scout Cookie Time

For the last few months I’ve been reading a great blog by Wendi Aarons. Her most recent entry, The Cookie Junkie, got me thinking about how I joined Weight Watchers (again) just days after purchasing 6 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. (Yes, 6. Don’t you judge me. I have a husband and son. And I was probably going to share.) Knowing that I would never make it without eating some of them, I had to determine how many WW points are in each cookie. (Or each box. Hell, I’m just being honest.) So here goes. I’ve warned you. Do not look unless you are a glutton (HA!) for punishment.

Key:
c = cookie
p = point (Weight Watchers)

Do-si-dos^® — 1c=1.5p, 2c=3p, 3c=4p, 4c=5.5, 5c=6.5p, 6c=8p, whole box (18c)=24.5p

Samoas (Caramel deLites for you newbies. FYI, there ain’t nothin’ “lite” about them.) — 1c=1.5p, 2c=3p, 3c=5p, 4c=7, 5c=8.5p, 6c=10.5p, whole box (14c)=25p

Tagalongs (Peanut Butter Patties) — 1c=2p, 2c=3p, 3c=5p, 4c=6.5, 5c=8.5p, 6c=10p, whole box (14c)=24p

Thin Mints (Thin Mints) — 1c=1p, 2c=2p, 3c=3p, 4c=4p, 5c=4.5p, 6c=5.5p, whole box (28c)=26.5p

Trefoils (Shortbread) — 1c=1p, 2c=1.5p, 3c=2.5p, 4c=3p, 5c=4p, 6c=4.5p, whole box (35c)=27.5p

For those of you more interested in the nutritional information, you’ll find that here. So what have I learned? That if I’m only allotted 30 points a day on WW then I can really only eat one box a day. Of course I’ll only have 5 or so points for real food. But that’s what multi-vitamins are for, right?

She’s bringing sexy back

I recently found a new blog, The Pie Stops Here. The blogger is 45 and trying to lose weight. Well, she is losing weight. Anyhow, she mentioned this gem of a designer when talking about what she calls Fatshion. Cute word. I hope she coined it. Because, well, that would be cool. Fashion for “fat” people doesn’t exist unless you have a bazillion dollars and go to Nordstrom and wear Emme. If you have ever been Plus-Size you know that there are no clothes out there for you that don’t make you look even bigger. So after seeing some of the funny outfits Pie has posted lately, I went looking on my own. This designer – the one I linked to earlier (you know her – Qristyl Frazier – she got kicked off of Project Runway Season 6 early on) has a look she calls “Plus Sexy Sport.” Riiiight. I am always looking for that sexy outfit to wear when I’m working out. This is my favorite.

How am I going to hide my sports bra under there?

Who forgot to tell Qristyl that fat girls can’t wear satin? If you didn’t already know that you certainly should have learned it from the Pi Phi’s at Cornell. And where is the Spanx-like panel to hold the tummy in? I think I’m going to save the THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS for this two piece set and settle for an old church t-shirt and Target leggings. Hell, they don’t show sweat stains like satin.

First post for now

I’ll be spending some time getting things situated on here. Until then, check out these rejected Valentine hearts. See if you can figure out which ones are mine.