The weekend seemed to go by so quickly. Different ideas for blog posts came and went as I waited to be inspired to write. You see, I’m not a writer. At least that is what the voices in my head tell me. “You’re not a good writer.” That is what I heard for years from various teachers. Or maybe it was just one teacher. But isn’t that how it happens? You hear something bad about yourself once or twice and you start believing it. There are so many little things I remember people saying to me. I have an amazing memory. I do. (Just ask my friends who would rather I didn’t remember some things.) But a good memory means you remember the good and the bad. And sometimes the bad creeps into my brain and takes over if I’m not careful.
So for the longest time I’ve been scared to write, nervous, anxious, paralyzed by the idea of writing even an article for the church newsletter, because the words of that teacher ring in my ears.“You’re not a good writer.” As an educator I am hyper-sensitive to what I say to children about themselves, their work…everything. I know how easily they can focus on one thing I may say to them. I want to be the voice in their head that reminds them that they are a child of God, that God will always love them no matter what. I try hard to choose my words carefully. I don’t call a child “difficult,” for example, because she may just start believing it. Well, that’s the story of my baggage and how it affects my work as a teacher.
Now this isn’t meant to elicit sympathy or a pity party. It is part of who I am and what I bring to this blog. When I expressed my hesitations to my friend, M, she responded, “I don’t think you have to be a good writer for it to be a good blog. Just write the sentences the way you say them in your head. If people like talking to you (and they do) they’ll also like reading you. That’s my theory, anyway.” [Now she is an AMAZING writer. I know. It isn't a contest. She is a better writer. But I'm prettier. Please please please check out her blog. You will love it.]
perfect! “I’m prettier.” lol! God you’ve got balls.
Love this, except that you’re a liar. You ARE a good writer, as it turns out (how the hell was I supposed to know??). I hear your voice as I’m reading, and that’s the whole point, isn’t it? And you’re FUNNY. My favorite line? “Who forgot to tell Qristyl that fat girls can’t wear satin?” My 2nd fave? “(Yes, 6. Don’t you judge me. I have a husband and son. And I was probably going to share.)” Awesome.
On a more serious note, though, I agree with your point completely, and I am grateful on behalf of the little ones in your life that you choose your words so carefully. We have all been shaped by things grown-ups said to us when we were young, and I shamefully know that I am probably not nearly careful enough with the casual things I say to my own children. Thanks for the reminder.
I thought the funniest line was, “I’m prettier.” hahaha
Now if you know me at all, you know that I speak before I think. But when it comes to this stuff I try to be careful about what I say to little ones, around them, etc. But I’m no saint. My son said dammit the other day. When I asked him where he heard that he said, “daddy.” Oh how I wish that was true. My husband does not cuss. I made sure Alex knew that daddy would never say that word. But there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him he got it from me!