Putting this here so I can dream about my annual trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with my seminary friends. Not long now!

I cried and cried. I called a few of her close friends to check in and tell them they were in my prayers. And Alex sat in the backseat of the car as I drove us to work/school (same place). After one call Alex took the opportunity to tell me that Lisa was in heaven with God. Wow. He’s only 3 and a half and he gets it. Totally gets it. This would make a lot of mothers very proud and I am. But I’m also a Christian educator and work in children’s ministry so it makes me BEAM with pride!

“Mommy, are you going to cry the whole way there?” “Yes, I am. And I’ll probably cry for a few days because I really liked Lisa.” At this point it gets quiet and since I can’t see him I imagined he was just looking out the window or thinking about Spiderman or who-knows-what. But he wasn’t. He had this toy in his hand – his most favoritest toy in the whole wide world (that he got four days earlier at Chuck E Cheese). He said, “Here, mommy. Does this make you feel better?” I put my hand back blindly to grab whatever it was. I knew just by feeling it what he was handing me. “Yes, Alex. This makes me feel a lot better. I’m going to put it in my pocket and remember how much you love me,” I said. And my heart was moved by this beautiful act of kindness and love my son showed me. My son has learned compassion. I am the luckiest mom in the whole wide world.

I’m sure I’ll write more about it when I can. But for now I don’t know what to say. I’ll be back when I have something. For now I’ll share a photo of her.

So for the longest time I’ve been scared to write, nervous, anxious, paralyzed by the idea of writing even an article for the church newsletter, because the words of that teacher ring in my ears.“You’re not a good writer.” As an educator I am hyper-sensitive to what I say to children about themselves, their work…everything. I know how easily they can focus on one thing I may say to them. I want to be the voice in their head that reminds them that they are a child of God, that God will always love them no matter what. I try hard to choose my words carefully. I don’t call a child “difficult,” for example, because she may just start believing it. Well, that’s the story of my baggage and how it affects my work as a teacher.

Now this isn’t meant to elicit sympathy or a pity party. It is part of who I am and what I bring to this blog. When I expressed my hesitations to my friend, M, she responded, “I don’t think you have to be a good writer for it to be a good blog.  Just write the sentences the way you say them in your head.  If people like talking to you (and they do) they’ll also like reading you.  That’s my theory, anyway.” [Now she is an AMAZING writer. I know. It isn't a contest. She is a better writer. But I'm prettier. Please please please check out her blog. You will love it.]

Key:
c = cookie
p = point (Weight Watchers)

Do-si-dos^® — 1c=1.5p, 2c=3p, 3c=4p, 4c=5.5, 5c=6.5p, 6c=8p, whole box (18c)=24.5p

Samoas (Caramel deLites for you newbies. FYI, there ain’t nothin’ “lite” about them.) — 1c=1.5p, 2c=3p, 3c=5p, 4c=7, 5c=8.5p, 6c=10.5p, whole box (14c)=25p

Tagalongs (Peanut Butter Patties) — 1c=2p, 2c=3p, 3c=5p, 4c=6.5, 5c=8.5p, 6c=10p, whole box (14c)=24p

Thin Mints (Thin Mints) — 1c=1p, 2c=2p, 3c=3p, 4c=4p, 5c=4.5p, 6c=5.5p, whole box (28c)=26.5p

Trefoils (Shortbread) — 1c=1p, 2c=1.5p, 3c=2.5p, 4c=3p, 5c=4p, 6c=4.5p, whole box (35c)=27.5p

For those of you more interested in the nutritional information, you’ll find that here. So what have I learned? That if I’m only allotted 30 points a day on WW then I can really only eat one box a day. Of course I’ll only have 5 or so points for real food. But that’s what multi-vitamins are for, right?

How am I going to hide my sports bra under there?

Who forgot to tell Qristyl that fat girls can’t wear satin? If you didn’t already know that you certainly should have learned it from the Pi Phi’s at Cornell. And where is the Spanx-like panel to hold the tummy in? I think I’m going to save the THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS for this two piece set and settle for an old church t-shirt and Target leggings. Hell, they don’t show sweat stains like satin.